Sunday, March 29, 2009


You may feel as if Destiny is calling today, even if you already have other plans on your schedule. You might be resistant to making major changes in your life now, especially if it's currently holding together well. But you can feel the pressure from within and know that you must eventually follow your heart. There's no need to turn everything upside down right away; work to maintain the structures that support you while you also explore new and meaningful avenues of expression.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


The radical feminist lesbian aliens are so mighty-mighty that they’re all “Fuck all yall rapist motherfuckers!” And off they biff to Earth — which, you remember, is barely more than a smouldering radioactive rock — where they fix the biosphere and live for a couple of centuries in an idyllic paradise with sentient bungalows, giant technicolor butterflies, margarita-mixing robots, talking dogs, and free healthcare.

-Twisty Faster. Sci-Fi author!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Clumsy Art

I look forward to reading PostSecret every Sunday. While it feels a little voyeuristic, it also makes us all seem a little more human. Using a medium which allows such layers of distance between us to own our secret vulnerabilities seems really honest to me. I also like to take the opportunity to connect with the experiences and honor the feelings that people keep secret, recognizing them resonating, appreciating the creativity and catharsis that people put in to letting go of their secrets and then clearing each week to be replaced with new. Anyway, these are two I've especially liked recently.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I'm alone because I'm comfortable in my skin.

I either get asked or told all the time why I don't date. My answer every day might be a little bit different, but it always feels like for some reason because I'm young and because I'm a girl I have to defend why I don't have a date on Saturday nights. While this list is by a woman at a different stage in life, I like the mix of answers from insecurities to independence, and I like to think that I'm in good company. Single but not alone.

Why I'm Alone
Lea Lane

People have asked me why, eight years after my husband died I'm still alone. Here are a few reasons I can come up with.

I'm alone because unlike men, when a woman reaches a certain age, no matter the packaging, she seems to pass her shelf date.

I'm alone because I find myself sitting in front of the computer, and three hours later I look up and the sun is down and it's too late to ask someone to go out to dinner, so I spread some cream cheese and mild salsa on wheat crackers and watch Olbermann. And I'm fine with it.

I'm alone because I married a special man twelve years older than I and he died and I'm told it's off-putting to be a widow who loved a special man.

I'm alone because I can stand it and even sometimes like it, so I won't go out and beat the bushes for some nice enough fellow who votes Republican and belches so loud I jump, but who doesn't make me smile enough to put up with strange noises and smells.

I'm alone because I 'm now used to getting up when I want and drinking from the juice bottles and not shaving my legs and leaving dishes from the night before on my bed and getting up at 3am and seeing a movie and going back to bed at 5am and not hearing a word of scorn.

I'm alone because I don't want a bikini wax.

I'm alone because I had an aunt I admired when I was a child. Her name was Hilda, and she drove a pink Caddy with fins and carried a pistol and had blonde hair and was a Harlem slumlord. She lived alone after my Uncle Arty died. She ate out at the Jaeger House in Yorkville and the waiter knew she liked Pinch neat and a veal chop, and she traveled by herself to Bermuda and it all seemed so glamorous.

I'm alone because no one wants to hang out with somebody who might take off at any minute for Zanzibar and leave them to take care of the cat.

I'm alone because that cat rubs against me and sits next to me and and follows my around all day and sleeps with me all night, and feels like a small furry man when she spoons my legs. So I don't feel alone.

I'm alone because I have friends who laugh and go out to concerts and play Scrabble and keep me occupied when I want to go out and we seem to laugh more than our married friends and we even look happier, even if we aren't, but I suspect we might be, at least more so than many.

I'm alone because I like movies and I can now get them in my home and I don't even have to see a movie at the Multiplex anymore, which I hated to do.

I'm alone because I had cancer and I don't think it's fair to me or a date because if I like someone I can understand why he won't want to take a chance yet, so I avoid dating.

I'm alone because I'm independent and outspoken and most men don't much care for women who debate them and who don't hope to get married and cook for them.

I'm alone because my libido doesn't itch much lately. And if it does, I can scratch it myself, thank you very much.

I'm alone because I have an iPhone that I can play with anywhere I go to keep me company.

I'm alone because grandchildren provide the passion, and I long for them like I longed for a lover.

I'm alone because Huffpost gives me a place to vent anytime, day or night, and the company is better than I'd find in a bar.

I'm alone because I'm satisfied that I've sowed enough oats to make oatmeal for the New York Yankees and the Knicks and still have some left over to feed the Miami Chamber Orchestra and the waitstaff at Joe's Stone Crab, with a few spoonfuls to spare.

I'm alone because I don't want to be nurse for the men who still run after me, who can't even run.

I'm alone because I don't want my heart broken again.

I'm alone because I don't find it easy to trust.

I'm alone because I choose not to get on the Internet because it's humiliating to be turned down by someone I have no interest in when ten years ago I wouldn't have been turned down by that person, or even one I did have interest in.

I'm alone because I have exceptional memories and dreams that I return to when I want a thrill, and some of the memories are X-rated.

I'm alone because I'm comfortable in my skin.

I'm alone because I have a website called sololady and if I wasn't solo I'd have to get another domain name.

I'm alone because my friends don't introduce me to anyone anymore because they know that unlike some women my age who will settle for a male mammal with white whiskers, I want a bit more.

I'm alone because life doesn't always wind up the way you expect it to, and it wound up this way for me, and I roll with it.

I'm alone. I'm a solo lady. Alone, but not lonely.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


To read on a bad day.
And now, so long since that fateful night, looking across the dinner table at my wife, or seeing her across the room at a party, the hopeless crush I have on her is as wonderfully out of control as when I first saw her more than four decades ago through the screen door. I still get excited after work when I pull in the driveway and know that I’ll soon get to see the sexy, beautiful, very funny person I live with. And, later on, snuggle up to her in bed.