Tuesday, December 19, 2006

My calling as a Life Coach

I've been putting out fires all over the place. For free. I believe that it is my calling to tell people how to live their lives. People are slowly catching on to the fact that I'm always right.

My latest save:
The best friend of my former roommate. I don't think I've talked to this kid since Sophomore year.

LAcrewbaboon: Hey
me: What's up?
LAcrewbaboon: not too much.. gotta a lady kinda question for ya
me: i'm great at lady kinda questions
LAcrewbaboon: so buying stuff from victoria's secret for xmas... legitamate?
me: mmm iffy...what kinda stuff?
LAcrewbaboon: i was just thinking she should have at least one set of nice underwear
me: the key is getting something that she would like over something that you would like
LAcrewbaboon: which was my second question
LAcrewbaboon: should i just rock a gift certificate or is that lame? how much is a decent amount ot get?
me: how long have you been dating?
LAcrewbaboon: over a year
me: over a year constitutes a pretty big present
LAcrewbaboon: but i just dropped $170 dec 12th for her bday
LAcrewbaboon: i already got mine [Christmas present]
LAcrewbaboon: she got me ticketws to see the aussie pink floyd bnad in boston last week
me: i'd say it be easier to get her something she'd really like if you don't want to spend a lot of money
if you get gift certificates you generally have to spend more
me: and if you have the sort of relationship that she'd think undies are cute rather than sort of asshole then go with that
LAcrewbaboon: well im just about out of ideas so...
me: i'd just call it a touchy gift if that's the whole thing
me: plus you probably don't know a lot about underwear which makes it harder to pick out something
LAcrewbaboon: exactly
LAcrewbaboon: so im pretty much gonna spend too much money on something she wont really like...?
me: yea
LAcrewbaboon: thanks
LAcrewbaboon: glad i decided to ask you

Anyone else got questions? Get em in while I'm still free.


UPDATE:
LAcrewbaboon: SweetC r e t e 3: we can go to vicky's
SweetC r e t e 3: and we can get something for me to do a little christmas dance for you in
LAcrewbaboon: in your face
me: it's totally negated if she goes with you
LAcrewbaboon: im fucked either way
LAcrewbaboon: should just get her a 3 some or something?
LAcrewbaboon: i mean, i already sent we naked pics so that is clearly the next step right?
me: naked pics check, next step threesome
LAcrewbaboon: well atleast now im excited abotu xmas


I'd just like to point out that it is valid that if she goes with to pick out the gift, it negates my previous cautions. I stand by my previous recommendation barring knowledge of the subsequent unforseen circumstances.
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My Christmas tree fell over twice yesterday shattering ornaments and soaking wrapped presents. Merry Christmas.

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