Friday, December 29, 2006

College was so fun!



"And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying."



"You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. "


I'm going to need some new artwork for my fridge...
http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=3403&SectionID=11

Katherine the Great

The only girl who gets FRIENDS references. She got Friends Scene-It for Christmas. I killed her. Twice.

We went to Ascutny, VT Thursday to see Jason play and realized this summer it will be 2 years we've been going to see him. Probably one of my favorite things in the world to do. This was the first time there was any sort of crowd - they said they had about 550 unexpected people show up at the tavern that night, they served over 700. Probably the whole state of VT. Followed by my sweet, sweet Friends Scene-It victories.

NY tonight, NH tomorrow night, Chicago Sunday night, Michigan Monday night...then headin on back to Boston. Break is over :/

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

God Bless Dan Savage

There is a Karmic Rule of Kink (KROK), FOG, and it goes something like this: "Dump the honest foot fetishist and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac."

"But Mary Cheney's uterus belongs to Mary Cheney, Janice, and she can do whatever the fuck she likes with it. She can have babies with it or keep her car keys in it or fill it up with potting soil and plant tulips in it. It's her fucking uterus, Janice, not yours. And if you keep inserting yourself into it people are gonna think you're a dyke too, or Heather Poe is going to show up on your doorstep and beat the holy living hell out of you."

How the fuck do they propose to stop lesbians from having children? Post two members of the National Guard at the entrance to every lesbian vagina in the country? Forced sterilizations at women's music festivals? Mandatory abortions for every lesbian who does manage to get herself pregnant?

Only pre–Vatican II nuns and modern Mormon virgins use the phrase "light petting." People are going to have a hard time taking you seriously as swingers—hell, they're going to have a hard time taking you seriously as nonvirgins—if you insist on saying "light petting"

Just like Julie

Julie took the nerd quiz so I desperately had to know how nerdy I was too. It was a hard quiz!

I am nerdier than 4% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

haha! I failed an internet quiz! It said "Definitely not a nerd. You are probably cool." You know, they are so right.

UMM Rosie on The View just offered to give a "personal back massager" *wink, wink* to one of the guests who's not dating. HAHAHA!

I'm bored.

Update: Joy just called the guest's happy weight fat. This show got so much better when Rosie joined.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Quarter life crisis

I do NOT look 50 years old.

Our (older) summer neighbor stopped in tonight at my father's house. While my dad was in the basement digging through the freezer for venison to send him home with, the neighbor says to me:

"So...Where did you grow up?"

"um...pretty much around here."

"Oh, really?! Right around Meredith, huh?"

"(well, in this house actually...) I'm his DAUGHTER!"

"ooohhh"

My dad is turning 50 in January.

SERIOUSLY!!!! Do I LOOK like I would waste my time on a middle aged man with a captain's belly!? He doesn't even have that much money!!!!!!! Do I really look that OLD!? I was wearing a HEADBAND for crying out loud.

Last time this happened to me I was 14. I either look way beyond my years or else people take it as an easy assumption that my father is a pervert. I'm betting on the later. Either way I'm getting some wrinkle cream.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Hell is frozen

It's official.

1. I have an iPod nano. Silver. And I kinda like it. I'm a pod person.

2. My father's getting remarried. I just got the flier.

That is all.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Don't mess with Sunapee

haddy said...
Kate: If they made ceramic mugs of the takeout cups from Pizza Chef I would buy you one too.

haddy said...
BTW... don't mess with Sunapee! GO LAKERS!

Kyle Hudson (who's house I now live in)'s sister-in-law works with the Fabulous Lorax. Only I keep forgetting and get a little freak going HOW DOES SHE KNOW ME!? I like the back up tho.

Do they even serve coffee at the Chef?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The coolest women I know are Feminists

From feministing.com

One of the worst anti-feminist stereotypes is that we’re all humorless, dour and scary. At least, it's a pet peeve of mine. The term “ball-breakers” seems to come up a lot.

I can't tell you how many times after telling a guy I'm a feminist, he'll jokingly throw his hands up in defense as if I'm gearing up to attack him. Now of course, this is tremendously stupid and annoying on a number of levels: first, it plays on the idea that feminists are scary and man-hating, but more importantly it’s meant to be mocking. (Haha, don’t hit me, little cute feminist girl!) I even had someone, after telling him that I run a feminist blog, lift up my arm and peer into my armpit jokingly—looking for hair. Yeah, hysterical.

What’s truly kills me about the “oh so scary feminist” stereotype is that it’s generally a big joke to the people who perpetuate it. The implication is that while we’re unattractive and annoying (bitches and ballbusters, all of us), we’re not really a threat at all—just bothersome. It’s a sweet little way to make feminism seem uncool and unimportant all the same time.

I think what's most important to remember about this stereotype—and most hackneyed bullshit involving feminism, really—is that is serves a specific, strategic purpose. Not many people want to be considered nasty and scary—especially young women. It’s a great stereotype for keeping girls in check and away from feminism. And that’s why, while it’s definitely dumb, it’s also effective.

Some of the coolest, funniest women I know are feminists. (Shit, you need to have a great sense of humor if you want to survive the patriarchy in style.) Do we get in someone’s face when confronted with sexist tripe? Of course! But that doesn’t make us scary or humorless, it makes us fucking awesome.

My calling as a Life Coach

I've been putting out fires all over the place. For free. I believe that it is my calling to tell people how to live their lives. People are slowly catching on to the fact that I'm always right.

My latest save:
The best friend of my former roommate. I don't think I've talked to this kid since Sophomore year.

LAcrewbaboon: Hey
me: What's up?
LAcrewbaboon: not too much.. gotta a lady kinda question for ya
me: i'm great at lady kinda questions
LAcrewbaboon: so buying stuff from victoria's secret for xmas... legitamate?
me: mmm iffy...what kinda stuff?
LAcrewbaboon: i was just thinking she should have at least one set of nice underwear
me: the key is getting something that she would like over something that you would like
LAcrewbaboon: which was my second question
LAcrewbaboon: should i just rock a gift certificate or is that lame? how much is a decent amount ot get?
me: how long have you been dating?
LAcrewbaboon: over a year
me: over a year constitutes a pretty big present
LAcrewbaboon: but i just dropped $170 dec 12th for her bday
LAcrewbaboon: i already got mine [Christmas present]
LAcrewbaboon: she got me ticketws to see the aussie pink floyd bnad in boston last week
me: i'd say it be easier to get her something she'd really like if you don't want to spend a lot of money
if you get gift certificates you generally have to spend more
me: and if you have the sort of relationship that she'd think undies are cute rather than sort of asshole then go with that
LAcrewbaboon: well im just about out of ideas so...
me: i'd just call it a touchy gift if that's the whole thing
me: plus you probably don't know a lot about underwear which makes it harder to pick out something
LAcrewbaboon: exactly
LAcrewbaboon: so im pretty much gonna spend too much money on something she wont really like...?
me: yea
LAcrewbaboon: thanks
LAcrewbaboon: glad i decided to ask you

Anyone else got questions? Get em in while I'm still free.


UPDATE:
LAcrewbaboon: SweetC r e t e 3: we can go to vicky's
SweetC r e t e 3: and we can get something for me to do a little christmas dance for you in
LAcrewbaboon: in your face
me: it's totally negated if she goes with you
LAcrewbaboon: im fucked either way
LAcrewbaboon: should just get her a 3 some or something?
LAcrewbaboon: i mean, i already sent we naked pics so that is clearly the next step right?
me: naked pics check, next step threesome
LAcrewbaboon: well atleast now im excited abotu xmas


I'd just like to point out that it is valid that if she goes with to pick out the gift, it negates my previous cautions. I stand by my previous recommendation barring knowledge of the subsequent unforseen circumstances.
******************************************************

My Christmas tree fell over twice yesterday shattering ornaments and soaking wrapped presents. Merry Christmas.

My life as a sitcom

I've been home 3 whole days.

Saturday night I'm sitting and chatting with Katherine, Derek and Sean at One Mile West (the only bar in Sunapee and the only "good" bar south of Lebanon). The boys were trying to convince K and I that we should go sledding in ballet flats and tshirts. A little brunette bounces over and corners me in the corner mid conversation.

Girl: Hey! Remember me!?
me: umm...(glance around for help...) no.
Girl: You don't remember me!!??
me: are you sure you have the right person?
Girl: yes! a couple weeks ago you were totally drunk.
me: I don't live here. I wasn't in here a couple of weeks ago.
Girl: yes you were! you were so drunk!!
me: last time I was here was Thanksgiving...(Katherine pipes in with some support "you weren't drunk at all tho" thanks K)
Girl: Yes! you were drunk and all your friend's abandoned you...

HOLD THE PHONE drunk, abandoned by friends, chatting up random girls at the townie bar. OK, it does sound suspiciously like me. Moderately pathetic. But I still really don't think I know this girl.

As she bounces away I asked her name. Nikki. Of course it is. I swear that I don't know her.

Monday Katherine and I set out to breakfast and run errands. Hit the Post Office, the Bank (who totally closed two accounts and handed me cash for them without ANY id. We're not in Boston anymore, Todo). Then I enlist her for a dump run. We load up the car, which was pretty funny in itself but you'd have to be there. Head to the dump. I may have tossed in the whole huge Rubbermaid can with the trash into the compactor. It just got away from me! The guy looks at me like "this girl seriously just dropped a trash can as big as her into the compactor". I sort of stood on tippy toes and peered over the edge.

Kid from highschool walks over and the guy tells him not to throw in any more garbage. "Kate, What did you do?!" Ok. I'm an asshole. So we went fishing for trash with a rake for a minute before the guy decided it was a lost cause to try and get the (still full) bin out of the giant compactor. I wonder out loud if this will be enough for my mom to fire me from trash runs.

The garbage man went and somehow found me a new can. SO...not fired I guess. Katherine (and her mom) both said he would have jumped in if there had been a glass bottle in that bag, but not for the whole bin. Oh Well, all's well that ends well.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Rape

Feministing was talking about rapists - virtually on SecondLife and Grand Theft Auto, and a letter from a man asking how not to become a rapist.
How about avoiding games that glorify raping? The link is the letter and response of how not to be a rapist (which I will say is MUCH more effective and relevant than how not to be a victim...like someone who is raped was supposed to avoid it, like someone who is raped ultimately is to blame for it.) Thinkinggirl talks about it but there is a difference between seduction and rape. Women may dress up but they are not dressing up for YOU. Women are not objects to be desired, whom the asker has to avoid in order to not rape, they are PEOPLE. Novel Idea.
http://thinkinggirl.wordpress.com/2006/12/09/how-to-avoid-becoming-a-rapist/


I agree with Tara (tara-talking.blogspot.com). How can people read these things and not be totally offended? If you're offended, you're a feminist.

Brat

My BABY sister turns 18 today. She spent the morning correcting spelling errors in my blog. Brat.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Speaking of Squirrels

I was explaining my squirrel stare theory walking thru the Boston Common with Mo the other day when we came upon one such stare. To demonstrate my propensity to stare back, I did so. After about 3 seconds of the most intense squirrel staredown to date, the squirrel CHARGED US. No lie, he came running right up between Mo and I. Like in touching distance. Mo squealed and almost jumped into the Frog Pond. I toyed with the idea of nudging it with my foot. I decided against it. Squirrels are fascinating.

EC

From feministing.com

MA hospitals violating emergency contraception law
A survey by NARAL Pro-Choice Massachusetts says that some hospitals are failing to offer EC to rape victims, as required by law.

The survey, which is due to be released today, indicated that officials at 7 percent of the hospitals with emergency rooms contend the provision for emergency contraception may be left to the doctor's discretion. Another 7 percent indicated that such provisions were contingent upon the woman undergoing a rape exam.
NARAL conducted the survey by having a rape counselor make mock calls on behalf of a fictitious rape survivor, asking if EC was available.

All nine Catholic hospitals surveyed said they offered emergency contraception "in some capacity" to rape victims, but 56 percent had serious limitations, according to the survey. The limitations include requiring a woman to undergo a rape examination and offering the contraception only at a doctor's discretion, [executive director of NARAL Pro-Choice Massachusetts Melissa] Kogut said.
Lovely.

Liza Sirota White of the Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence said, "It is outrageous that a rape survivor seeking to prevent pregnancy would be forced to undergo a sexual assault evidence collection kit exam in order to receive treatment.”

Kogut added that the policies “are problematic because they leave open the possibility that a rape survivor may not have access to [emergency contraception] at a particular hospital…Women who have been raped should not have to worry about which hospital they go to.” No joke.


BOOOOO



In other news: I'm going home today for my first college break since freshmen year. WOOHOO. It will probably also be my last college break...

Vegetarians

ilovetreeshalso: remember a few days ago when i told you that the book i was reading was making me want to be a vegetarian
ilovetreeshalso: well im eating something for lunch now (that is meat) and my co worker just came up to me and said
"is that tofu"
ilovetreeshalso: to which i promptly responded "ew hell no. i dont eat that gross crap"
ilovetreeshalso: i guess im over being a vegetarian

that's amazing.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

My life as a sitcom

I just got the second bloody nose of my entire life.

The first one was because my father kneed me in the face trying to pin me down to put his underwear on my head. Seriously.

This one occured through natural circumstances. I got out of the shower this morning, got to my room, dropped the towel and rubbed my nose on the way to the bottle of lotion. But wait, there is blood on the lotion...there is blood on my hand...WTF?! So there I am, naked, nose bleeding, in a room with no tissues.

I can't be the only one that's ever happened to, right? Anyone?

Blood Diamond

"Lets hope they don't find oil in Africa. Then we will be in real trouble."

Monday, December 11, 2006

A Gaptastic Christmas



"When I party with the Captain, sometimes he gets me drunk and other times he just can't" - The Lorax

Possibly the best jello shots ever and new drink recipe: UFO spiked with Chambord. You can't go wrong spiking already alcoholic drinks (wine cooler + Malibu?).

I shined up nice in my dress from Target...My headband matched my purse AND my shoes, which I kept on for the entire walk up Mission Hill and home from Whiskeys. An all around classy night.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Always be expecting body slams

I was apparently outed by Mo-fucka last night to the thug trying to compare nipple rings with me. "We're kinda together". This morning my girlfriend made me breakfast. I think this lesbian thing's workin out for me so far.

MONIKA'S HOLIDAY PARTY TONIGHT!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Must see TV

From Feministing:
"This video made me fucking insanely angry last night...and I knew I wanted to post it, but I also didn't want to give these assholes any publicity. So I figured what better way to have fun with antifeminists than to get shitfaced while laughing at them. Plus, if y'all are drunk by the end of the flick you won't be able to make out the web address they give touting the movie.

So here's the rules, bitches:

Drink whenever Marxism is mentioned.

Drink whenever someone is interviewed in her country style kitchen.

Drink when feminist-child-hating is claimed or implied.

Two drinks when feminism is blamed for rape in the military.

Drink whenever someone says that equality just makes women unhappy.

Drink if you catch a cameo by clown car vaginas.

Drink every time someone says "victim" or "victimization."

Take two drinks every time someone outright lies.

Drink every time someone accuses feminists of trying to stop women from being housewives.

Spit up your drink when hear how feminists try to get teen girls knocked up.

Drink anytime you see someone in garb better suited for churning butter than being interviewed.

Drink every time someone calls feminists "loose." Then go fuck someone, you slut.

Now, puke."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MNI3-oL4Ck

AND, a little pube fantasy: http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=4535&rtn=index-topten&nsfwfs=yes

I do not put out for Brubaker

HockeyDawg48: u totally left without me last night
me: was i not supposed to?
HockeyDawg48: of course not. u were supposed to come home with me
HockeyDawg48: just brutal kate

I do drink on Wednesday nights, which makes working all day at Gap the next morning all the more painful.

I told Monika her mom's vagina must be huge. I also instructed Juen in the ways of vibrators, with Ant's help. I should start charging for my pearls of wisdom.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

What are you looking at squirrel!?




Has anyone ever noticed that squirrels have the best "I will kill you" stare? Like at any moment they are going to jump off of that trash can and lunge for your face? They may be thinking innocent, nutty thoughts, but it looks like they are plotting something that will end with me wetting my pants. Now every time I see a squirrel I try to stare it down, I figure I could use the practice.

152 Abortions happen every hour

"'women choose abortion in less than 25 percent of the 6,000,000 pregnancies that are diagnosed in the U.S. every year.' I took the number 6,000,000, divided it by 4, then divided it by 365, then by 24 to get about 171 per hour. They said less than 25% so I figured 152 was correct. " -the newly founded NU Right to Life

Taken from an email conversation debating the facts in a flier by the new group. A new group, I will add, composed entirely of men. Men without uteruses. Sadly I can't go to the first meeting tomorrow. Probably a good thing. I am, however, sending spies.

In other news: Big old hearts to Julie cause she's pretty much the neatest.